If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
