Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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