boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
