Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
