Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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