Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
