I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It was confusing and full of hummus
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
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I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
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Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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