I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
