1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
