So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
