please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
