You smell like stripper and shame
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
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