STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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