yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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