I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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