do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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