I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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