woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
