Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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