so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
