we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
