You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
