"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
