it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I deserve this hangover.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
