He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
