I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
