my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
