did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
