Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he thought i was a dude.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
