Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
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After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
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You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.