I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?