I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.