Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
17 People Who Prepared For Spring Break The Right Way
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!