Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
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I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
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He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day