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This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
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