is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.