I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
