Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
