plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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