I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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