if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
