when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
