apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
