you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
