Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
