Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
