Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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