Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
