Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
3pm strippers are depressing
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
