I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
