Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
