Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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