he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
