I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
