is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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