I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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