why didn't you poke me back
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
