i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
