walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
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that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
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She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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