everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
