not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
