Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I love you.
Bad choice
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
