so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I deserve this hangover.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
