just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
