Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Life is so much better after having sex.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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