I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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